Gratitude

I found this blog while reading the NYT's Motherlode. Its http://dearmissaudrey.blogspot.com/. I got immersed im it and felt so much sadness for that family. The dad died when the little girl was only 24 months. It made me clear out any thoughts of self- pity or complaimimg that I tend to have. I have everything. Maslow's hierarchy of needs talks about basic survival as a start and it all goes up from there. I think Self-actualization is the place where I am always out of reach of and making myself miserable over. The idea of needing to lose weight and have a more successful career are true things but I make myself too unhappy over them and don't even put enough work into making happen.
In Miles news, he started taking the violin this month. His class is only 5 minutes from our house and he likes the teacher quite a bit. I was really ambivalent about signing him up for this. I'm excited for him to develop the ability to practice daily on something and feel the pride of achievement and learn the disciplime of persevering through difficult or boring things to reach a big goal. I'm concerned that I myself lack this skill and will have to learn it with him if he will be successful. I'm concerned that I'm turning into one of those underachieving mothers who put everything into their child to have them achieve what I could not. I'm trying to be aware of it.
He loves school and I feel proud of myself for letting him go and encouraging his independence and self-reliance. I often worry that his school is too play based and he is not "learning". But there are a lot of changes in his personality that I do admire. For example, his ability to express himself verbally quite charmingly and convincingly without pitching a fit. He already knows how to build a case for his request before you even know where he's going. He practically corners you into giving him his way.
For example, we have a veggie tales CD in my car that's not in Norris'. He named my car Hansitafam and Norris' car American Flag. I picked him up from school in my car which is an SUV, clearly different from Norris' sedan. I strap him in and we drive off. He asks me in his sweetest voice "mommy, is this your car Hansitafam or is this Daddy's car what we are driving in?". I think to myself 'why is he asking this, he knows its hansy, but I answer " we are driving in Hansitafam". He says "ok then, can I listen to my Veggie Tales CD because I know it is in this car". In the sweetest little voice ever. And I realize how I've been lawyered by a 3 year old.
I think often about how different Miles' upbringing is different from mine and am curious about how this will shape him. For one I had a large family of 6 and endless cousins and neighbors who to this day are still living in Trinidad exactly where I left them for the most part. I spent tons of time at church, never had a babysitter and even lived with the most consistent sunlight patterns ever. Sunup at 6 sundown at 6. I never experienced serious racism or being a minority as a child and knew people both wealthy and poor. I guess all these things are considered ideal conditions to raise a child. Miles has no extended family that live nearby. No church affiliation, no close family friends. Military life makes it hard to know people for any length of time. My guess is whenever we leave Las Vegas we won't know the people here or keep in touch with them 5 years out. But I remain grateful for the opportunity to be here and hopefully travel the world and have him experience other cultures. I think when he is older he may mourn not having some of the things I had which society says make an "ideal" childhood. And I'll help him cross that bridge when we get to it. But I think the biggest thing I can do to help him is to focus on gratitude and what we do have. And hope that Norris and I are around for a long time to get him on his way in life.