Christmas Eve Confessions

Its 9:01pm on Christmas Eve. I just spent the last hour trying to get a panicked Miles to go to sleep.
It all started well enough. He made a tray with me for Santa with milk and cookies and carrots for the reindeer. He drew a picture for Santa to take with him. I got him dressed in his Elmo Christmas Pajamas which he wore to the Polar Express and where he already met Santa.
Then he starts fretting about Santa. And I think hes just excited. And I tuck him in and ask him like I do every night whether he wants to pick the story or wants me to. And he mumbles " You can pick the story, I'm looking for a place to hide from Santa". And sure enough I see him burrowing under his covers and putting his pillow over his head and looking very distressed. I ask him why he's hiding from Santa and he says its because "I like Santa when it is daytime and i can go see him, but I dont like Santa to come and see me when I am sleeping".
At this point I call Norris up and Norris explains that we will be up when Santa gets here and he will be coming in the fireplace in our bedroom and that Norris will walk Santa down to the tree and show him where to put the presents then Santa will be on his way once he has his snack and gets the carrots for the Reindeer. Hes still not happy. So Norris texts Santa and says could he please leave Miles' presents in his clubhouse in the backyard and not come inside. And Santa texts back that he will and that Miles is on the good list.
This does not pacify Miles. He starts crying that he does not like Santa, that Santa is mean. And i ask him why Santa is mean. And he says "Some children really want presents but Santa says they are naughty and he will not give them presents". And so I ask if that is Santa being mean or the kids being bad. And he maintains that Santa is the mean one. So I ask if he is having a guilty concience about something he did that was naughty that I dont know about. And he says "I did something naughty". And I ask him what. And he says " I put the cord from the pull along frog in the plug hole". Which he KNOWS IS WRONG!!! And Im seriously trying to maintain a Motherly composure but Norris
is busting a gut laughing so hard.
So I tell him that its good that he told me his naughty deed but that he is still a good boy and he can go to bed and he will still get his presents from Santa.
He is totallly lobbying for Santa to not come to our house anymore and for Norris and I to buy his presents instead. Clearly he has figured that he has us right where he wants us. Seems Santa and his minion the Elf on the Shelf (who he had a breakdown over back in November) are unknown entities. He wanted that Elf out of the house ( and tell him to take his box too, but leave the book)!!
I just love this kid. This has been the most wonderful Christmas of my life that I can remember.