Miles age 10

Well, 4 year gaps in blogs are ok right? Today is Miles' last day in the single digits. Tomorrow he will be 10. My heart chokes up writing that. So much wonderful amazing times I've had with him in 10 short years. He continues to be a completely amazing and loving child. He is hilariously funny, he still has Jameson has his best friend in the whole world even though they moved about 10 minutes away. He's had a rough patch with school since leaving Challenger. His father moving away because of his job was very very difficult on him. And a couple poor schools didn't help. But for the last couple years he's been in a good school and has friends there and a good teacher. Tom is very good to him. Tom and I got married December 29, 2016. Miles looked so handsome and Tom and I were lucky to have all our parents there. Miles is all about football. Nothing else matters as much. Still so athletic and had a great season of baseball last spring. He loves Bella, and now Owen. He loves to cook, bake, play football, read, do parkour, pretty much anything that involves sports and team sports especially. He loves math, science. More and more he is getting the hang of dealing with the boring parts of school. But it's the boredom when he will do something naughty and get in a little trouble. At times he can be so insightful and thoughtful it blows my mind away. He can explain sports plays to me that are so complicated I can't even follow. I'm hanging on trying to keep up with him but it's so evident that he's so much smarter than I am. Parenting him can be a challenge because I'll realize too late that he's tricked me into something! Like walking me into a trap where I agree to have his birthday party at the house - soooo much more work and money! But he's got it together and the future looks bright. I always worry but Tom tells me I'm a great mom and that Miles is a great kid. And I guess one day I'll stop worrying but I don't know when yet. This year his party is Halloween theme and he will be Frankenstein. Miles and Tom are super close and get along so great sometimes I think they like each other more than they like me! Miles will always take Tom's side "Mom, what Tom was trying to say was....". Like he's Tom's lawyer! It's a good time of life to have a healthy happy child and enough time to enjoy him. The years are starting to pass quickly now. Miles' personality is pretty set and he's amazing. I can't wait to see him grow and change the very the years to come.

Miles at 6

Miles turned 6 last week! What an amazing child he continues to be. He auditioned for the Nutcracker Ballet for the smallest role as a mice and instead was chosen to be a party child and a soldier. He has been to rehearsals every weekend sometimes two days in a row for a couple months now. His circus teacher died in a tragic accident over the summer and we moved to Vitale Scherbo gym. He has settled in as well as one can considering the harshness of the changes this year. Norris moved out soon after the new year. He had been seeing a nurse in Quatar but when that didn't work out he hooked up with his old tech Karla. He is still with her. I don't mind. She is a nice girl with a history of being abused and I'm sure she is still being taken advantage of. However because she has children his life has been more child oriented and Miles has been mostly included in that. The divorce was expensive and ugly and unfair. Miles cried so many nights. I saw his personality change this year. Not all sweetness and innocence. He has a bit of pain he carries with him now. It breaks my heart. I tried to keep the house to not cause too many changes for Miles at once. I want to sell it by next summer. It's more than we need and I don't like any of the neighbors or the area. It's so fake. A Plasticine suburban affluent materialistic and soulless existence. I had and lost an amazing job at the VA. I miss it so. It got me through the year and when it was gone I fell apart so badly like making up for all the falling apart I refused to do through the whole divorce. I've struggled to find a job. Supposedly I'm starting a new one in December. But I want to go back to the VA. The divorce was finalized 10/10/13. I am disillusioned with life, people, God, the idea of permanence. I long for the days when I was free to be alone, travel, not worry about how much I'm fucking up my child's life. Everyone tells me I'm a great mom and doing a great job. I wish I felt that way. I feel ultimately I have always failed by not making sure my child was with someone who was good at marriage and willing to communicate and build a life that worked for both of us. I've got to figure out how to be a single mother. With no role model for that. First single mother in the history do my family going back generations. Ultimately I failed by not being able to keep a marriage together. I was somehow given the most amazing child to raise. Why I don't know. He can climb a rope. He can do a cartwheel, a backbend from standing, count to 200 by 1,2,5,10 and 25. He is soooo into math and science. He says he wants to be a doctor like his daddy. He can really read. He is in kindergarten at Challenger and is at the top of his class. His best buddy is the neighbor Jameson, a lively smart Irish boy. They are a tornado together. His birthday party this year was a food fight. It was his idea which he wanted since around March. We did whipped cream on plates and they ran around the park smearing each other. It was the best birthday party we've had yet I think. Miles is so good at almost everything (except keeping his room clean). The challenge is figuring out how to fit all his activities in. We cannot. He is interested in gymnastics, dance, MMA, soccer, bike riding, running, math, science, swimming, travel, Christmas, animals, cooking and so much more. He is competitive and still hilariously funny. The other day I'm showing him my arm muscles - that my arms are getting more fit. And he says "your arms remind me of a clock". And I ask how. And he wiggles the fat on it and says "tick-tock". And bursts out laughing. And I had to also. He also made up some jokes. "What do cookies and computers have in common?" "They both have chips". When does a cookie go to the doctor? When it feels crumbly. And some more I can't remember. Miles is super loving to me and to Bella, who he still calls his sister. He wanted to be the Grinch for Halloween and I dressed up as Max. We went trick or treating with Jameson and his family and had a great time. I invited Norris to come and take a turn taking him trick or treating. Hoping Miles will be able to continue to have both Norris and I present on special days and we can eventually be friends. Norris isn't the friend type so I'm not holding my breath on it. So much has changed this year. And it's not over. Hopefully by next summer 2014 we will be well and truly in a new routine and the dust will have settled in the divorce and Norris and I will be able to communicate about future plans and ideas. We both wanted to live overseas before the divorce and I think if we could possibly trust each other enough to coordinate and I were to get back into the govt I could get an overseas posting and he could get a PCS to the same base and Miles could continue to have both parents with him. I know it seems impossible but I have to know anything starts with an idea. I keep this journal and hope one day Miles will read it and understand how events happened which shaped his life.

Travels

Last month I went to India with my parents. It was a once in a lifetime trip and I am so happy it all came together and my parents so generously paid for my part of the trip. I had never been away from Miles that long before and I was very apprehensive about it. But I made the decision to become more than a wife and mother again. For 5 years of marriage Ive waited around for my husband to travel together and it never happened. He just does not like it. And I end up feeling rejected and stressed. So this year I am doing the things I used to do before I was married. Like take a trip on my birthday. I had a terrible dream and decided that I truly need to go visit my brother Duane in Germany and have Miles meet those cousins. After much pleading to no avail Norris still refused to go with us. So I booked our tickets for just Miles and I. Im not happy about it. But I cant live waiting for him to be like me. However the next week he booked himself a trip to puerto rico for a karate retreat and said we cant come because we cant afford the two trips. But just this week he said he wants us all to go to atlanta in may for his cousins high school graduation. Im pretty amused how the money is no longer an issue but genuinely concerned that all this is very unaffordable for us. Also his mother continues to completely ignore me and pretend I dont exist, back to calling the house and talking to me like the housekeeper who answered the phone. She seriously came to visit while I was in India and was careful to book her ticket so she never had to see me on either end of the trip. I was surprised to hear Norris commemt on how blatantly rude this was. I know he will never say anything to her on my behalf and I dont feel I have a right to say anything and that does not sit well with me. I'm just going to have to accept and live my life. I do not know what else I can do. I do know to focus on the good makes me calmer. So the good is that Miles is really gettibg into reading. He has whole books memorized that he will read aloud. He likes having the dogs captive and reading to them. They seem to like it. He has a little crush at school. Her name is Maia. Which would have been his name if he was a girl. I like her. Shes a real spitfire, no wallflower! She likes me too, she is very conversatiomal and likes to comment on jewelry or colors Im wearing when I pick him up from school. Ha ha! Maybe Maia could give me some tips to work on my MIL!
Miles is going through a period now where friendsnips are important to him. He asks for playdates with specific friemds amd is very well liked by a lot of kids at home and school.
It was a great compliment to him the other night when he had his first aleepover at Kari Lewis' house and in the morning when I picked him up she said that if her baby turns out to be a boy she would like parenting advice from me because he was such a pleasant, well behaved and gentle guest. I do feel like I earned some credit for that but mostly I credit Miles himself and his innate intelligence and kindness. I know Im letting it all be known in this post but I also feel that I want Miles to know the dynamics of what went on when he was little too. I grew up with a lot of being told everything is great even though it was really not and I think its better for kids to develop with truth rather than varnish to a certain extent.

I wrote this on the way back from grandmothers funeral. Jan 15,2013 Miles at 5 This is January and I am sitting on a plane coming back from Trinidad after the funeral of my maternal grandmother. Miles is home with Norris for the week and Norris has filed for divorce from me and has moved out of the house. I should be more sad about Norris leaving but he has shown himself over the last 3 years to be so rude, selfish, hurtful and coarse that there is nothing in him to admire or love. He reminds me of a preening peacock with no sense of humor and is quick to anger and to cause an arguement at the earliest opportunity. Miles did not really miss him during the deployment and most every day I had to force him to talk to Norris on the Skype. Norris I had to make call Miles because there would be periods of almost 2 weeks when he wouldn't call and Miles would get sick because of stress. Miles is a kid who will get physically ill if he is stressed. Norris was the absolute wrong choice to marry and I should have tested him more and known better but I was so lonely in Pensacola and was also impressed by him being a doctor. It will be a long time before I want to give anyone a chance again. 7 wasted years of my life, always thinking things were just about to get better, just a couple more months, just a little more effort on my part. But there are worse mistakes I could have made and my situation is one that will help me in working with patients. I learned a lot about the military and the people in it that I never knew. The mentality that makes them think they are good guys while hurting and wounding others and calling a death "collateral damage" is unfortunately strong in Norris and he will undoubtedly hurt Miles and I tremendously now that he is ready to divorce. And there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to endure it until he loses interest in us. Hopefully he will be like his uncle, remarry and forget all about us and stop causing us pain and disappointment. Until then I am preparing myself for 2013 to be a tough year and it has already started with the divorce and facing the loss of my identity as a married woman and the freedom to tailor Miles' every experience to his advantage by having unlimited resources of time and good financial resources. In the year between when Miles turned 4-5 he became able to swim in the pool by himself pretty well. He is an intuitive and tactful person even at this age and he is very driven to accomplish things once he decides he is interested in something. I wonder if every child is this cool and then I spend time with my friends' kids and I don't think so. He is a natural comic from before he could talk. I remember him putting 3 binkies in his mouth to make me laugh. The other day he says "mom could you get me some water?" And I said "yes, but what's the magic word?" And he said "well we are not magicians, I don't know any magic words to make water appear". And he fills me in on the gossip in his class. I ask him "so who went to the principals office today? Did Zachary go again?" And he tells me very seriously, almost regretfully' "well, Zachary didn't go today. I hate to tell you, but Montse and Taylor caught that flu though". His teachers just love him. Ms. Amber says he will go to Harvard and that she wishes she could go back in time and be 4 years old so she could be best friends with him. He can read simple books. The other night he is reading an early reader to me and it's about Ironman. One part says "but Tony has a secret" and Miles turns to me and says "if it's a secret why are they putting it in this book?,look at this book, they are telling Spider-Man's secret, Captain America and the Hulk too!"

Valentines Day

We made cookies for Valentines Day this year with some friends. Her boy is also 4 years old and she shared how he has his first crush on a girl and made a special valentine for her and wants to make her cookies and give her flowers. I realized how glad I am that so far Miles has been very egalatarian in his affections and has not gotten overly attached to any girl. Glad because it gives me a bit more time before I have to console a broken heart or hurt feelings about rejection.
Last year in his 3 year old class Evergreen there was a little girl who was CRAZY about him. She would lick his feet and hold his hand and was generally obsessed with him. And then this year after we were late starting in Aspen class because we were in England, he gets to class and she had moved on to another boy. A bigger boy. And she walks around with him all year now holding flowers and pretending to be a bride and angling to sit next to him. And the teachers are always trying to break it up. Miles mentioned it to me. He said "Maia is still my friend but now she likes Ethan better". But he didn't seem too concerned and I didn't push it. He was more bothered by the challenge of breaking into the boys club that had formed while he was late getting to school by those 2 weeks. But he has overcome it and I see him playing with all the boys now and they all seem to get along fine.
I've started to realize how much the parents play a role in the kids making friends and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Having never been the popular one or comfortable in groups I haven't made the effort to have playdates or things like that. I used to try but I realized they left me feeling drained. Miles is very sociable and if a kid wants to hang out with him I'm happy to take him or invite them over. But truly I think it's one of those things that you have to allow your kid to do.
What else is new? Oh, Miles had his first ski lesson last week and he did very well. He can ski! And he was into it. Currently he is taking Tae Kwon Do and every week I have noticed him becoming more focused and less playful or distracted in class. He is so naturally good at so many things and we have the finances to give him access to so many things that it's really a wonderful thing to see him learn and grow with all his opportunities. I know it sounds braggy but he is just so good at athletics.
He has become more responsible lately, doing things that need to be done around the house. Like dusting the woodwork on the stairs, picking up his room, tidying his bathroom. He does it without being asked and I just wonder how long that will last. Will it go away? My guess is it will once the novelty wears off but I don't know.
That's all for now. I've made the blog private so it's more of a journal now as I just want to use it to be more of a baby book for Miles to know all the little goings on in his life.

Early reader

Miles has been able to recognize signs on stores for at least a year or more now. He knows when we are at Fresh and Easy, Costco, Home Depot, Smiths etc by the logos and locations more than actually being able to read. But yesterday he actually read his first sign at a building. We were going in the rear entrance we never go into at the movie theater at Aliante to see Puss in Boots. He looks up above the door and starts to sound out the one word posted large. Cuh, cuh, sssss, sssss, eheheh, no, no, no. CASINO!! "mommy, that sign says Casino". And it did. Not a logo or anything, just some letters making a word over the door.
I don't know whether to be proud or shame.

Miles turns 4!!

Wow! I'm lying in bed with insomnia and realizing that at it's 5:12am PT and at 8:32ET Miles, you were born a whole four years ago already. You are safely asleep in your bedroom and ieagerly anticipating your birthday party later today.
You have been counting down the days before your party on your fingers and saying "ok, so, 1,2,3,4 ok, 4 more sleeps till my birthday". So last night before you went to bed you were SUPER excited. You also promised me you wpuld take a nap beforr your party today.
I was lucky to be able to spend the whole day with you yesterday and you were very helpful in getting everythung ready for the party. You worked at blowing up balloons, sweeping the back porch, cleaning out your playhoise, packing up toys, filling the pinata, baking your chocolate cake from scratch and carving pumpkins for decorations!! Yes, even as a small boy you were able to set aside fun and do the work to prepare for even bigger things tomorrow.
You have a cool Spiderman costume and I already had your birthday CD made for weeks now so you know the words to the Spiderman song and a good bit of the others. It is a highlight of my day to sing with you in the car on the way to and from school.
So what have you accomplished in your 3 rd year? You love school. Prefer it to just staying home! You learned to ride a bike without training wheels in May 2011 in Germany with your Uncle Duane and Eva and their kids, you travelled to Europe TWICE this year. Spent 2 weeks in Germany in May then 7 weeks in Suffolk England from July 20-Sept 11. Your best friend is Lorelei Lott and she has already told her mom that she is going to marry you. She tried to marry you a month ago but you didn't want to because she only had a butterfly ring and you really wanted a green one because that is your favorite color.
You are around 105cm and weigh 41 pounds. You love to dress in your Addidas Tracksuit, your Spiderman hoodie that talks when you push a button ( it says "it's web swingin time!"), you love wearing "fast running shoes". You proclaim that you are "the worlds best backward walker" - and you havent fallen yet. You made an amazing painting of a duck floating on water with blue sky last week at school after a long time of showing no interest in drawing or paint or art of any kind. Your teacher Mrs Stevenson said it was very advanced work for your age.
You are very well liked at school and at home. Your personality is a combination of happy and competitive. You love sports and are taking lessons for swimming, gymnastics and toddler ninjas. You also love riding your bike.
You are a bit vain. You love checking yourself out in the mirror and smiling at yourself and also practicing making an intimidating face. You are currently trying to figure out what things are funny. So you will tell knock knock jokes. You also will watch a sitcom with me that you totally dont understand like Big Bang Theory and laugh along hysterically with the laugh track which makes me laugh hysterically too till we are both laughing along at whatever the laugh track says is funny, its so fun watching TV with you!
Is there any downside to being Milesy Boy? So far I cant see any. Your future is bright my son and I am so curious to see how your life unfolds and I will be there with you to guide and protect you however I can. Love always, Mom. P.s it's now 8:51 ET, you are 4 years and 19 minutes. Happy Birthday!!!

Lakenheath England

We are visiting England as Norris has a TDY here. Miles and I took a Virgin Airways flight and landed in Gatwick on July 21. We are here until September 11, 2011.
I feel terrible that I never even blogged my trip to India in February with my parents. And also never blogged about Miles and I going to Hamburg, Germany to visit my brother Duane and his sweet wife and kids in May for 2 weeks for my birthday.
We have been loving England despite initial hardships in housing. Now we have a nice 1 bedroom apartment and feel very settled and in a nice routine. Miles is taking swimming lessons 5 days a week and that is great because it's in the morning and once it's done we head out to explore some little village for the day.
We will go to visit my brother Duane in Germany again end of this month and are trying to spend lots of family time together.

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Gratitude

I found this blog while reading the NYT's Motherlode. Its http://dearmissaudrey.blogspot.com/. I got immersed im it and felt so much sadness for that family. The dad died when the little girl was only 24 months. It made me clear out any thoughts of self- pity or complaimimg that I tend to have. I have everything. Maslow's hierarchy of needs talks about basic survival as a start and it all goes up from there. I think Self-actualization is the place where I am always out of reach of and making myself miserable over. The idea of needing to lose weight and have a more successful career are true things but I make myself too unhappy over them and don't even put enough work into making happen.
In Miles news, he started taking the violin this month. His class is only 5 minutes from our house and he likes the teacher quite a bit. I was really ambivalent about signing him up for this. I'm excited for him to develop the ability to practice daily on something and feel the pride of achievement and learn the disciplime of persevering through difficult or boring things to reach a big goal. I'm concerned that I myself lack this skill and will have to learn it with him if he will be successful. I'm concerned that I'm turning into one of those underachieving mothers who put everything into their child to have them achieve what I could not. I'm trying to be aware of it.
He loves school and I feel proud of myself for letting him go and encouraging his independence and self-reliance. I often worry that his school is too play based and he is not "learning". But there are a lot of changes in his personality that I do admire. For example, his ability to express himself verbally quite charmingly and convincingly without pitching a fit. He already knows how to build a case for his request before you even know where he's going. He practically corners you into giving him his way.
For example, we have a veggie tales CD in my car that's not in Norris'. He named my car Hansitafam and Norris' car American Flag. I picked him up from school in my car which is an SUV, clearly different from Norris' sedan. I strap him in and we drive off. He asks me in his sweetest voice "mommy, is this your car Hansitafam or is this Daddy's car what we are driving in?". I think to myself 'why is he asking this, he knows its hansy, but I answer " we are driving in Hansitafam". He says "ok then, can I listen to my Veggie Tales CD because I know it is in this car". In the sweetest little voice ever. And I realize how I've been lawyered by a 3 year old.
I think often about how different Miles' upbringing is different from mine and am curious about how this will shape him. For one I had a large family of 6 and endless cousins and neighbors who to this day are still living in Trinidad exactly where I left them for the most part. I spent tons of time at church, never had a babysitter and even lived with the most consistent sunlight patterns ever. Sunup at 6 sundown at 6. I never experienced serious racism or being a minority as a child and knew people both wealthy and poor. I guess all these things are considered ideal conditions to raise a child. Miles has no extended family that live nearby. No church affiliation, no close family friends. Military life makes it hard to know people for any length of time. My guess is whenever we leave Las Vegas we won't know the people here or keep in touch with them 5 years out. But I remain grateful for the opportunity to be here and hopefully travel the world and have him experience other cultures. I think when he is older he may mourn not having some of the things I had which society says make an "ideal" childhood. And I'll help him cross that bridge when we get to it. But I think the biggest thing I can do to help him is to focus on gratitude and what we do have. And hope that Norris and I are around for a long time to get him on his way in life.

Christmas Eve Confessions

Its 9:01pm on Christmas Eve. I just spent the last hour trying to get a panicked Miles to go to sleep.
It all started well enough. He made a tray with me for Santa with milk and cookies and carrots for the reindeer. He drew a picture for Santa to take with him. I got him dressed in his Elmo Christmas Pajamas which he wore to the Polar Express and where he already met Santa.
Then he starts fretting about Santa. And I think hes just excited. And I tuck him in and ask him like I do every night whether he wants to pick the story or wants me to. And he mumbles " You can pick the story, I'm looking for a place to hide from Santa". And sure enough I see him burrowing under his covers and putting his pillow over his head and looking very distressed. I ask him why he's hiding from Santa and he says its because "I like Santa when it is daytime and i can go see him, but I dont like Santa to come and see me when I am sleeping".
At this point I call Norris up and Norris explains that we will be up when Santa gets here and he will be coming in the fireplace in our bedroom and that Norris will walk Santa down to the tree and show him where to put the presents then Santa will be on his way once he has his snack and gets the carrots for the Reindeer. Hes still not happy. So Norris texts Santa and says could he please leave Miles' presents in his clubhouse in the backyard and not come inside. And Santa texts back that he will and that Miles is on the good list.
This does not pacify Miles. He starts crying that he does not like Santa, that Santa is mean. And i ask him why Santa is mean. And he says "Some children really want presents but Santa says they are naughty and he will not give them presents". And so I ask if that is Santa being mean or the kids being bad. And he maintains that Santa is the mean one. So I ask if he is having a guilty concience about something he did that was naughty that I dont know about. And he says "I did something naughty". And I ask him what. And he says " I put the cord from the pull along frog in the plug hole". Which he KNOWS IS WRONG!!! And Im seriously trying to maintain a Motherly composure but Norris
is busting a gut laughing so hard.
So I tell him that its good that he told me his naughty deed but that he is still a good boy and he can go to bed and he will still get his presents from Santa.
He is totallly lobbying for Santa to not come to our house anymore and for Norris and I to buy his presents instead. Clearly he has figured that he has us right where he wants us. Seems Santa and his minion the Elf on the Shelf (who he had a breakdown over back in November) are unknown entities. He wanted that Elf out of the house ( and tell him to take his box too, but leave the book)!!
I just love this kid. This has been the most wonderful Christmas of my life that I can remember.

Threenager

Miles turned 3 and we had a big party to celebrate. Pictures not back yet but will post in the future.
At 3 his personality is that of a charmer. He is in a good mood, singing laughing or just being pleasant most of the time. He likes to please me and he likes to know what rules are and be recognized for doing well. He also likes to point out to me when other people are breaking rules.
For example I told him that people need to wear helmets if riding bicycles and motorcycles. In Florida we saw a lot of motorcyclist without helmets because there is no law there. He would point them out and I said one time "his mommy would probably not be happy to see him with no helmet". EVERY DAY since then he scans the road for people and either says "look, look, that guy over there is wearing his helmet! His mommy is probably happy of him". Or "look, he is not wearing his helmet, his mommy is probably not very happy of him". And it is said in a woeful voice that is so sincere if the rider has no helmet.
He is adjusting really well to school and is excited to go everyday. His appetite has lessened considerably since his 2's when he was like a termite. He is not as open to new foods. Today he refused to try apple pie. So he totally missed out on that.
He has moments more now of being willful, not wanting to be told what to do. But he will still comply. Usually my best tactic is to ask him to do something but be ok with him taking about 10-30 seconds to do it because he has his pride. Not sure if I should be demanding instant obedience or not. I tend towards avoiding a power struggle with him because I feel that once we have a falling out he tends to be more difficult the rest of the day. I also think it's ok for him to think things are his idea and want to empower him to believe that brushing his teeth or picking up his toys are his ideas and preferences vs that he is bending to my will.
Some of the more tiresome behaviors now are mimicking children who are doing annoying things, stalling before bed (need water, blankets are messed up, one more story) and having a crying fit before going to bed.
He is not a fan of taking on the phone. He asks me to buy EVERYTHING HE SEES ON TV COMMERCIALS for kids! I ask him what it is "I don't know what it is.". And "I don't know what it does" and "I not know what I like about it". Then he is on to the next commercial. Same with toy catalogs. He loves to look at them and pick out things he likes and wants. It's really cute. He mostly wants to talk about them and we spend lots of time looking at things in catalogs.
He sleeps in his own bed still and he loves to lie in bed and read the books that I read him for bedtime story after I'm done.
He sometimes screams this high pitched scream when he can't get his way and it's really annoying. He is still super loving to me especially for his age compared to his peers. And he is a bit cocky because he knows he is cute and how much the other moms like him because he is well behaved. He will tell his friends "Cameron, don't hit your friends". Or "Kent, I don't think that you are making a good choice right now".
I love love how present he is with whatever he does. Just so engrossed. I long for that clutter free mind of his.
I feel satisfied a lot with how he is advancing but always anxious about the future.

Closing the baby chapter

My little baby started preschool on August 30, 2010. I feel like I hit the jackpot with his school. It's a lab school at a nearby university and usually has a year long waiting list. One of my friends was on the list for 9 months and got in and wanted me to be one of the people authorized to pick her daughter up. I went to get fingerscanned and set up for that and it was 2 weeks before school started. The receptionist was nice enough to give me a tour and I was impressed by the security of the school, the accessibility that the parents had to be involved in the classroom and that the curriculum is research based instead of religious or ideologically based. I put my name on the waiting list very unsure but I guess after a year of waiting many people felt hopeless about their child getting in and went elsewhere because we got an acceptance letter the next week!
The program requires that the parents enroll at the university and go to an early childhood education course for 2 semesters. It's one night a month for 2 hours for 8 months. I think it's great but I've heard other people say they would never do that. The parents are also obligated to have one of them volunteer in the classroom as a parent aide one morning a month for 3 hours.
I already did mine and it was stressful dealing with all those 3 year olds and I was ready to be done at the end! Preschool teachers have a tough job. It's not all storytime and snacks. The biggest challenge is the ability to keep calm and not scream when some kid openly defies you again and again and you need to go back and redirect over and over.
I thought Miles would have some problems with adjusting and he has. But Ms. Geri did win him over before he even got to school and it was so simple - she sent him a postcard in the mail! It was the first piece of mail he has gotten in a very very long time. He loves that postcard and will show it off and read it to anyone who comes to the house.
His school even has an outdoor classroom that he can be enrolled in next year. I am pretty sure we will do it as it will probably be the only time in his life when he will get to spend the majority of his day out doors and playing and learning. Plus I want him to be with all the hippie kids whose parents would enroll them in an outdoor classroom!! Bound to be good kids and parents who hike and love nature like we do.
He had his 3 year checkup early since he had to do the school health card and September 9 he was 35 pounds and 100 centimeters tall. I dont know why they do pounds and metric but they do. Either way he's in the 90th percentile for height and weight. But the pediatrician ( I miss Dr. Katz, what a caring and wonderful first pediatrician he had) whose name I forget got on our case about the binky. She had little interest in Miles and mostly spoke to me to ask me things that he could have answered if she gave time. Anyway she gave him a lecture about the binky and was on her way. So that night we painfully went without it. It was not nearly so bad that night actually, just took a long time and he sort of mournfully whined. But nap and bedtimes the next 4 days were awful. He cried like a heroin addict without a fix. I couldn't take it. And too late I learned about the process to cut the binky. I now hate that pediatrician. Really, she couldn't give me that information? I really don't see the point in needlessly making a child cry about missing something he loves. He got past it but now naptimes have gotten really challenging and he is resisting the nap and passing out at 4pm.
So to replace the binky he has been very resourceful. During the day he wants chewing gum constantly. He must chew about 5-7 pieces of gum a day. And at night he wants the book I just got done reading him for bedtime story and he lies in bed and "reads" himself to sleep. I went in there tonight around 930 to get his book out of his bed so he wouldnt sleep on one and he'd gone to his bookshelf and had 3 books and they were all on his bed in a little pile and the last one was laying open and he was sleeping curled around them. Such a sweet little man.
He has been naming inanimate things. Our car has been named Hansitafam. I get harassed to "bathe" Hansitafam, "feed" Hansy and get reports from the back seat that Hansy is driving so crazy or Hansy is driving so safe.
He named his tummy Tump. He will tell me "Tump is hungry" "Te Tump says he needs a snack". "Te Tump has milk and juice and crackers in him".
Other names:
nose - Humpennose
Fingers - Finks
Ears -Finklears
Hair - Hairkikt
Lips -Lipsy
Penis -Petesys
Bottom - Bumtix
and theres more but I cant remember them.

And he has started playing board games. First played Candy Land September 15. He is pretty good at playing it already and loves to play. He doesn't have the longest attention span so I usually stack the decks so the ice cream or lollipop card come up after a couple turns so he can play till the end.
He HATES to lose. Such a bad loser. One time I got there first and he started screaming and crying and hit the pieces off the board and stormed off. I have no idea where he learned this behavior.

Tonight we played Candyland with Norris via Skype. That was pretty cool and I think Norris enjoyed it too.
Ok Miles, enough memories for now, hope you like these someday and are not embarrassed Bunky.

Identity

Miles has been conceptualizing who he is and his identity lately. Of course he does not know that's what he is doing. He does not want to be called a baby any more. He is a big boy. And he calls himself "Milesy boy". And he will often say " I am a chef and an athlete and a b-boy (dancer), and a big boy and Milesy boy!". He is a chef because he invents recipes like "blueberries, blueberry yogurt, chocolate syrup and sprinkles" or "banana sAndwiches" which are little round slices of ban a a with peanut butter in the middle or "letter sandwiches" which are sandwiches cut into letter shapes. He is an athlete because he plays soccer, goes swimming, rides his tricycle and bike with training wheels and plays basketball and tball at home. He is a b-boy because I took him to a show to see some breakdancing and now he has 'moves' and they are really cute. Milesy boy is just a charmer from any way I look at it!

Dust devil!

fixing dinner tonight and we had the blinds open to backyard and witnessed a dust devil come up into our garden just on the patio and throw the playhouse and chalkboard around, stir up a lot of dust and leave. The desert is so cool! Thankfully nothing and no one was hurt by this mini tornado so it was fun to witness but loud and confusing also.

Lonely times

So it's just Miles and I for the next little while here while Norris is off for a bit. It's been 10 days now and tonight was the first night we didn't have plans with friends or something to do. And it was a bit challenging and lonely. Miles just was fussing about everything and not wanting to be home and I have a summer cold and not really as patient and resilient as I could be and I was so happy when he went to bed.
We did decide on a preschool to send him to. And he starts August 30 and will be there 3 days from 930-1230. And I will volunteer in class 1x a month. So that I think will help him to stay busy and have fun and not miss daddy too much.
He's been angry with norris when he calls and won't talk to him on the phone. Luckily Norris is very understanding. But last night Miles got up at 4 am fussing and wanting to be held and told me he misses Norris. So we made plans to do something about it and he mailed him a homemade card today. Gotta get better at sending out packages and cards a couple times a week and it will make things easier I think.

Notes

Miles is sleeping next to me right now, I am listening to his breathing and feel him curled up so soft and warm and good. He peed in his bed so I had to strip his sheets and bring him in our bed. He asked me "can I sleep in your bed?" and I said "mmm hmm" and he said "is that all you gonna say?" I said "well yes, what did you think I would say honey?" and he said " I thought you would say don't pee pee in my bed!". And he smiled. Just a little heart melter.
It's that time where he is almost 3 and can enroll in pre pre school and I have looked at a few but nothing seems great and we work on stuff all the time at home together so I'm torn about what to do. He seems to know about as much as other kids I know who are his age and going to school and I don't think he lacks for socialization with friends. And once they start school the lifelong process of them drifting away from the home and into the world starts. All that said, I still am not sure what I'm going to do.

2 year, 8months

Time is flying by. Unbelievable I have not updated in 8 months. Miles is 99%potty trained now, talks in full long sentences, has opinions about lots of things and knows how to test you to see how serious you are and what the limits are.
We started moving into the new house April 26 and somewhere around that time he moved into his own bedroom and own bed where he still sleeps. This is so bittersweet to me as I miss his sweet breath and hair and face snuggled up next to me while knowing it is for the best that he learn to sleep on his own. I usually read him a story to go to bed or nap. But today I had some music on in the hall to try to drown out some noise downstairs while I read his story and he sat up and said "Mommy, can you please stop reading, I'm trying to listen to the music". And that's how it is now. He is sweet and polite but has his opinions and wants and is good about expressing them.
He was in the newspaper the other day, the Las Vegas Review Journal. A pic of him smiling and petting an otter. So sweet. I will try to post it.
Things he knows:
My phone number
All our birthdays
His alphabet
Can identify a lot of letters by their shape
Knows a lot of colors
Can count things
Can do a little math - addition
Can invent little stories - take his animals on a ride in his pirate ship to the San Diego Zoo
Thinking about good and bad, nice vs mean, making judgements e.g Bella is a good girl,Bodhi is a biter boy, bad bad Bodhi.
Concern when others are upset
Loves loves loves music and singing and dancing
Funny- will tell me to stop singing because I am scaring the neighbor dog. Tells Bella and Bodhi to stop running around the house, that it is not a dog park.
Amazing memory. Still spontaneously talk about his birthday party and the elephant bouncy castle and his cake and his friends. Remembers things large and small.
Very cuddly and loving.
Still sucking that damned binky and constantly negotiating to get it " I sleepy mommy, I need my binky" - a half hour after waking up.
Will try to update soon with pics and keep better log.

Family on Miles' 2nd Birthday

Just shy of 2

It's Monday and on Thursday my boy will be 2 years old. It's such a bittersweet time as I know that next birthday I'll be able to understand everything he says and this birthday is really the end of babyhood.
Here are some little memories I don't want to forget.
When he first started to try to say Bella's name about a month ago he would say "bla-bla". Now he says Bella well and is always trying to get her to follow commands. It's like a little general going "sit Bella" "off Bella" "come Bella" and she just kind of rolls her eyes and plays along until she's sick of it.
10/14 Miles trying to say bottle says bol-ottle.
10/15 - changing his diaper and he just starts counting and counts to 10. Prior to that he said 2 for everything. He would count 10 things and go two, two, two, two....
He has been sleeping in his crib for about 2 weeks now right next to our bed. He likes to sleep with blanket which he calls blank-Kent.
He is currently doing the co-op once a week, gymnastics once a week and a mommy and me dance class once a week. Swim just ended last week and we need to find a new class with a good teacher during the mornings.
He is a very well behaved child considering his age. He does try to test limits but he usually accepts a time out pretty well and is able to tell me what he got the time out for.
He's not great at playing by himself, he is very sociable and usually wants another kid to play with or for me to play with him. I feel like a failure sometimes when I feel that I am not providing enough play time for him or am not patient enough in wanting to play for hours with him. I'm trying to find a balance where he can play alone sometimes but I think part of this problem is me. I feel that he will be independent so soon especially if he goes off to preschool soon as we have been talking about. I just want to hold him, hold him and keep him close. He is as close to perfection as anything I have ever seen.
He is so loving and in tune with those around him. Every morning he wakes up and smiles and identifies us all. "mama, dada, bella, miles" round and round about 3 or 4 times. Like he's doing a headcount and it pleases him that we are all there. And Norris better not leave for work without telling him and giving him a proper goodbye. It does not sit well with him if that happens.
And so far he's honest. The other day he accidentally bit his friend and the kid was crying and Miles blurted out " I bit. I sorry" with a horrified expression on his face and spent a lot of time hugging his friend and checking his finger.
On Thursday we have a party for him with a bouncy castle. I hope he has fun and I hope I can step back and enjoy it as lately I have been letting little bumps become huge mountains for me. And I feel guilty for that too. Miles is up from nap.